Occasionally my MacBook and I have problems….in the bedroom2. Things between us have been pretty bad lately. For instance, he refused to be turned on last week. I tried to woo him, telling him how much I need him to be turned on, how much I love him, and enjoy spending time with him, I even caressed his smooth white body. Nothing worked.

I decided it was time we brought in a third party to help with all of this. I made an appointment at the Apple store and had a consultation. The “doctor” diagnosed the problem we were having as a “power issue” with the “logicboard”. This wasn’t news to me, I knew all along that our relationship was going through a power struggle and that Mac had lost all his logic. He examined Mac and tried out a few different therapies to solve our problem. In the end, Mac was feeling much better. He was brighter and happier than I’d seen him in weeks.

At home, however, things quickly turned for the worse. Mac was not responding to me, it was like I wasn’t even there. I tried doing what the doctor at the Apple store suggested, but nothing worked! I literally carried Mac to the car and made a quick trip back to the Apple store. Our previous doctor was busy with another patient and couldn’t be seen. I settled for his associate. He inspected Mac and asked questions, then suggested that Mac might need to go away for a while, on a retreat for machines just like him, who were having the same problems. I was reluctant to agree, but in the end, the new doctor’s charisma and charm could have convinced me of nearly anything. I gave my information to the nurse and Mac was wheeled away from me. “I love you,” I whispered as he disappeared through the hall.

Mac returned home a few days later, his stay at the retreat was quicker than expected. “Wow,” I thought when I saw him, “He’s been fixed already?” I sat down with him in the bedroom and tried to turn him on. Nothing happened. I was nearly in tears. “Please baby, come on. I missed you so much!” Nothing happened. I inspected the papers the retreat sent me. He should be fine, they said he made perfect progress and was ready to work with me on this.

I made a hasty trip back to the Apple store. Due to prior appointments, I couldn’t be seen by either of the previous doctors. A nurse took my information and suggested I come back for their next available appointment, in three days. “Is there any way we can be seen today? It’s really important.” She asked if Mac could come to the back with her, she’d have a doctor take a quick look at him. I spent what felt like an eternity just pacing the waiting room. Finally, the charming doctor I’d seen the last visit emerged.

“Will he be alright, Doctor?” I asked, choking back tears.
“We’re doing all we can,” he responded, confidently, “But I think Mac needs to spend a night here, for intensive therapy.”
“If it will help,” I sighed.
“I think it will,” the doctor assured me, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I secretly looked forward to returning the next day, for I’d get a chance to gaze upon this man again.

The next day, the doctor was in much higher spirits, “I think you’ll find, he’s as good as new!”
“For real this time?” He nodded and grinned. I swooned.
I looked at Mac and spent a few minutes with him before leaving. I didn’t really want to go home, I just wanted to talk to the doctor. Maybe I was trying to avoid the harsh truth that if Mac wasn’t better by now, he’d probably never recover.

At home, things were back to normal. Overall, things between us have improved. Mac seems happy enough. We still have our problems. Mac has been spacing out quite a bit, and sometimes, when I insert a blank CD into him, he yells, and gets so angry he pretty much vibrates with rage. Maybe it’s time for another appointment with that gorgeous doctor3…

1 I’m still not sure. It just turned into this sort short story about sexual frustration.
2 I pretty much only use my Mac in my bedroom. It’s comfy!
3 This whole story was basically true. Especially the hot Apple store “doctor”. I really was wishing the computer would still be broken, so I could go back and flirt with him. Maybe I’ll go buy new headphones for my iPod or something…anything to see him again. Sigh…